I've never been this old before...
The other night, I was reassuring my oldest son, who tends to be the most worried just before falling asleep (I'm sure no one can relate to that!). Though I can't remember the specific regret, it came down to making mistakes. I can definitely relate to that one. As I listened and he came to a pause, we sat. Then a thought came to me, and I said "You know, I've never been a 40 year old woman who is a mom to a little boy who has never been 8 with a little brother who has never been 5. None of us really know what we're doing – we're all just doing the best we can."
This idea was actually quite comforting to hear for myself. Talk about letting myself off the hook! I've never done any of this before!! Every single day we are alive it's like improv. Sometimes it seems monotonous: same route to work, same people, same lunch. I mean, we even see the same guy walking to work or the bus stop, wearing the same hoodie, at least twice a week. He is loving referred to as "Tie Dye Guy".
But, truly every single day is as unique as each of us. How we take it for granted is silly. It's amazing that we are new every single day, and have never had the same day twice. How often do I think that "when things settle down I'll be able to...." but they're never fully settled, are they? Every single day can bring new and exciting twists and turns and beautiful mistakes that can be wielded into lessons for our souls to become more of who we are meant and long to be. If we give ourselves permission.
Let's not expect too much, in a sense of tricking ourselves into believing that we have to have it all figured out. We don't. None of us have done any of this exactly at it is in this moment previous to now. How gloriously freeing (and somewhat terrifying) that thought is! When failure comes, we get a chance to say "oh well!" and carry on, rather than dwell. There are no lines, no real cues, just us discovering our selves again and again and again.